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the song...
Three years ago my journey began
Chasin down this cure no plan in hand
Just your pulse, my reason guiding the dark
Just no wind with conviction from the start
The moment your eyes made an introduction
I felt my second violent breath of life
Flawless to the point of bein cocky
Yet I fell for all your imperfections
Now its slightly weathered, its slightly worn
Our hands still together until after the storm
I believe in ever after with you
Cause life is a pleasure with you by my side
And there aint no current in this river we cant ride
I believe in ever after with you
Nothing compares to the good times
Feels like were floating when the rest of them climb
You made me believe in love and not the perfect kind
A real messy beautiful, twisted sunshine
Emotions: volcanic eruptions
We both took care so were still alive
Tunnel vision . . . determination
I want you, I want to make it right
Now its slightly weathered its slightly worn
Our hands still together until after the storm
I believe in ever after with you
Cause life is a pleasure with you by my side
And there aint no current in this river we cant ride
I believe in ever after with you
You are my twisted sunshine
You are my twisted sunshine
....i still believe in ever after with you...
That's what i want to say to him. But i think it wouldn't matter. Well i guess if it would it still wouldn't change a thing. It's over...
I wanna say that to myself over and over again. That it's over. That finally i'm over him. Coz it's just so tiring and frustrating to keep on going on and hoping that things would change but when i look at it, nothing's changed. It's tiring, very tiring... to keep up, cry tons and tons and telling yourself to be strong coz you deserve to be happy..i deserve to be happy.
I guess what they say is true. Even if i think i can't go on, and im feeling exhausted, the thing is love never grows weary, never gets tired. It doesn't just fade in a snap of a finger or whenever you want to. Eventhough at times i tell myself to stop, the next minute im on again... I've already told myself a couple of times, "nakakapagod din palang magmahal at umasa..." but some hearts just won't listen, hearts like mine.
From the way things are right now, ive thought of one thing: I've already done my part and the best i could do but it just didn't turn out right. At least i could tell myself that i tried and i know i did my best. I've always thought everything was worth the fight. The love, my love for him i could say was worth it, but i think he thinks otherwise...I've done everything. Uncovering my self and telling him my thoughts to let him see im a changed person... for the better...for myself...and especially for him. Now, i think it was best if i did it only for myself and not for anybody.
I'm gonna keep on going now and never look back. I mean not soon... I think i might look back eons from now but just to reminisce it. A handful of memories i'd say...tsk..the perfect guy, but the sad thing is i wasn't the perfect girl. It hurts to end something you've fought so hard, something i wasn't ready to give up... something i was hoping...something i put up my faith in..OUR LOVE...
But some things just gotta end...
something left behing must be taken cared of...MYSELF...
one thing is for sure though...that the love...remains...forever...
toinkz...toinks...toinkx..dramaqueen ang drama ko ngeon!!...
wahhhh!!...i can't believe it!!!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
lmfao!...just got this from istorya...some edited posters of movies...starred by the Pinoy Big Brother housemates...just click on the thumbnail for a better view...
here's my fave...whoahhhh..ang wafu ni sam!!..grabeh!..lmfao!
whoah...he's gorgeous!...haha..kainis!love yah fafa sam..lol!
Saturday, November 19, 2005
here's a preview of them...just click the thumbnails..
omigosh!..i just love all of them!!
they're nicely done!!!
whoahhh!!!..ang saya2!!!
Saturday, November 12, 2005
hahaha...that's an anime version of me...Dean did that, actually he made a lot of drawings..coz i was planning to make a scrapbook...its so cool ayt?...i dont even look like it but its me.He got my personality...the way i wanna dress up and stuffs..watcha think?Nothing great happened this past days..But yesterday was pretty fun..we drove around the mountains..and had a little drinking session...I actually got tipsy in the middle of the session, i was speaking like i wasn't myself..lol...but i was sane pa nmn..i just got so embarrassed the next morning coz i remembered the stuffs i told "exie" (shiello and azil knows about this)..you know, i really truly believe now that when someone's drunk, you get high spirited and courageous..thats what happened to me...i texted him all my thoughts and frustrations...and i ended up crying...the next morning i didn't say sorry but i did ask him to just forget about it...why wud i say sorry?..i was honest...i just slept the whole aftie...and went out..to buy some stuffs...the RebelTMxoxo
Thursday, November 10, 2005
*Below is the winning piece in the latest contest sa UP Creative writing contest*
Its been 4 months since i saw him and talagang namimiss ko na siya...pero what can i do? it seems that i have loved the wrong person.... but still the pain keeps on hurting me and kung walang magbibigay ng gamot para ditto sa nararamdaman ko.... baka mamatay na ako....to give you a background about my life, everthing seems to be fine except dun sa time na dumating na sa buhay ko yung hinayupak na lalake na yon.... hehehehe.... kung curious kayo about dun sa guy... bestfriend ko po yon kaso lang iba na ang nangyari as time passes by.....classmate ko sya nung highschool. pards pa nga ang tawagan namen.... o db ang sweet? di na ako iba sa kanya and ganon na ren sya sa aken.... kung di nga lang ako naging babae baka naiuwi na ako nun sa bahay nila and baka lahat ng gawaing pang brusko eh ipagawa na nun sa ken eh..... pero cyempre mukha pa ren naman akong babae noh!!highskul cyempre may prom.... wala cyang date, wla ren ako.... i know that he wanted to invite me to be his date pero ang ogag nga kasi nun kaya the last minute tsaka lang sya nag-ask. he went to our house... nakamotor po sya and medyo pawisan pero infairness.... mabango pa ren....he ask my permission to see my dress for the prom.... cyempre para maloka sya sa aken at may konting surprise... i refuse.... o sige, medyo na frustrate sya pero hindi yon naging hadlang para invite nya ko.... sa ganda ko na to..... cyempre ang dami munang pa-echeng.... hanggang sa tanungin nya ako kung may date na ba me.... e kung di ba naman siya abnormal eh.... papayag ba akong makipagdate sa iba eh sya lang ang gusto ko.... lam mo yon... sarap sampalin.... so in short, papilit pa ba ako? syempre.....the night of my life came, i was so pretty sabi ng nang-uuto kong nanay... pero naniwala lang ako nang sya na ang nagsabi.... blush ako ever....kahit alam kong maganda ako since birth (hehehehe) iba pa ren yung sa kanya galing diba?we enjoyed that night and lalo ko lang napatunayan sa sarili ko na mahal ko na pala ang hinayupak na bestfrend ko......syempre ano pa ba ang sunod na event sa prom kundi ang graduation na db? the night before the graduation, we talked on the phone na para bang it would be the last time na maririnig namen ang boses ng isat-isa..... ive waited for the moment na mabanggit nya na may feelings din sya and hindi naman ako nagkamali.... tinanong nya ako kung may possibilty daw na maging kame.... i know na maiinis kayo sa ken dahil alam nyo ba ang sagot ko? ah, eh.... hindi pwede kase bestfrends tayo eh.... yung mga anak na lang naten yung ipag- partner naten.... sa isip-isip ko.... ang tanga! pano ko nasabi ang ganong words? pero wala na akong magagawa..... alam namang bawiin ko pa eh di nahuli naman ako db? pero ang tanga ko talaga....cyempre college na.... im so proud to say na napunta naman ako sa magandang school and take note... pareho kame ng skul..... ano to? Kailangan bang ituloy ang naudlot na pagmamahalan namen?.... hehehe....nagkaboyfriend ako for a year and a half.... minahal ko sya pero there are these conflicts and problems na di na kayang ayusin.... in short.... nagbreak kame.....i guess god meant that to happen kasi yon din yung time na nagkita kame ng bestfrend ko..... sa sobrang miss namen ang isa't-isa.... sabay na kameng umuwi, kumain, pumasok..... im happy pero parang lalo ko lang pinahirapan ang sarili ko dahil my feelings for that guy grows each and everytime that we are together... buti na lang magaling akong magtago at magpigil....hehehe.... bilib kayo noh?.....one morning, im so busy preparing my project that would be pass on that same day.... alam kong dumati ng na sya at nasa likuran ko na ang mokong pero dah il sobrang pressure sa project.... gusto ko man syang dambahan... cyempre mamayang gabi na lang di ba? hehehe.... di ko sya masyadong napansin.....may inabot syang sulat sa aken and he asked if i could join him sa lunch.... i said yes.... then, alis na cya.... alam naman kc nyang im busy.....when i was about to enter the room, somebody bumped me and my precious project fell... gusto ko mang magalet... what can i do db? instead I ask my prof to give me another chance to do my project.... naalala ko si mokong.... the lunch date.... kinuha ko ang cell ko to text him that I cant come to our meeting.... e kaso.... pag tinamaan k nga naman ng malas.... check operator service daw.... i tried to look for friends or other kakilala pero malas that day talaga....and so i took my lunch all by my self.... naalala ko yung letter....hinanap ko sa bag... WALA !!!! bumalik me sa corridor praying na andon pa yung sulat.... wala ren.... god! why? minsan lang magbigay ng sulat yon.... nawala pa.... dont know how to tell him about the letter....and so days and weeks passed, pag nagkikita kame... di nya ako pinapansin... ako, i tried to talk to him pero alam kong may kasalanan ako pero ganon ba kalaki ang nagawa kong di pagpunta at ganon na lang ang iwas nya?... sige... hinayaan ko na lang....months na ang binilang... i heard that he was dating a girl from the same school that we are in... masakit.... na sa iba ko pa narinig na sila na.... mas masakit na wala na akong halaga sa kanya.....basta... ilang araw din yon na ganon ang nararamdaman ko.... weeks....months.... gagraduate na po ako.... i wonder what's instore for me in my last day in school.... and so i thought na puntahan yung favorite hang out namen.... when i was about to get near the place.... i saw him... with the girl.... umiiyak ang bruha but i cant hear what they are talking about.... so ive decided to get out of that place before my tears burst out.... and then a common frend ang sumalubong sa aken.... saying na buntis ang girl.... syempre.... durog na durog ang puso ko.... kung kaya nyo lang ma-imagine yung naramdaman ko.....the night of that same day.... naloka ang lola nyo.... nagparamdam ang mokong pagkaraan ng pagkatagal-tagal na panahon... i thought it was something good for me... for us.... pero i was wrong.... so wrong..... he gave me a wedding invitation and isa ako sa bridesmaids..... the girl...she was waiting in the car.... o db? Dati motor lang ngaun... car na.... sosyal dba?and so the wedding came.... maganda po ako nun.... sabi ng nanay ko pero wala ng nagsecond the motion eh.... so naniwala na lang ako sa nanay ko.... then, there was this professor who came to see me.... he handed over a letter with my name carefully printed on the enveloped.... he said that he looked for the owner of that letter kaso lang po malaki po ang skul namin kaya mahirap magkahanapan db? and so nung nakita nya ang name ko sa invitation, he decided to bring the letter thinking that it could save souls... daw....and so i was about to open the letter when the priest ask kung sino daw ang tututol... dedma ako.... alam namang manggulo pa ko noh....binasa ko na ang letter..... nakakatouch po talaga.... he opened up his feelings for me.... hoping na meron din daw akong feelings for him.... he ask that if i will show up to our hang - out the next day after he gave his letter, then it means that i also have feelings for him and that he would love me for the rest of our lives.... but if i wont.... then he will never open that topic again....he pleaded to me na sana pumunta ako... ...if only i have that letter.... if only i knew about it.... kung di lang ako clumsy and careless to keep that letter... things would be different....if only.....and so i heard the priest announced the couple as husband and wife....ang sakit......picture taking..... gusto mang sumabog ng nararamdaman ko.... as you know.... magaling akong magpigil.... pero masakit po talaga....sobra......after the picture taking...... niyakap ako ng bestfrend ko.... ang higpit.... and teary eyed nyang cnabi na....“i still love you.......”
